Grief can come at the most unexpected times. It can come during moments when we are “supposed” to be joyful, like the holidays. This time of year, especially for those who are grieving, can be challenging—the pressure of joy and cheer contrast so immensely with personal loss. And, despite all that is happening around you, your grief does not subside or progress any differently than it should.
Grief is such a personal journey, no matter the time of year. Finding ways to cope that work best for you is important while you practice self-compassion and move through your feelings, whatever they may be.
As a hospice that cares deeply about our community, we understand that this time of year can be overwhelming and the loss of a loved one can weigh even heavier than ever. Experiencing “firsts”, overcoming guilt, and processing every emotion is a daily task. We are here to offer support and provide tips on how to cope with grief during the holidays.
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Tip 1: Allow Yourself to Feel
You will feel a range of emotions, and that is okay. Sadness, anger, and even joy may arise. It is important to allow yourself to feel these feelings and hold space for them as you move through the holiday season. This time of the year can heighten feelings of sadness around the loss of a loved one called the “anniversary reaction”.
Grief comes with many emotions – some of which you may not expect. This can be confusing, but that is all part of the journey that you are on. It’s okay to cry when you miss your loved one. It’s okay to reminisce about holiday celebrations that you had with them. It is okay to laugh in the moments in between. Permit yourself to feel.
If you struggle to feel your emotions, journaling or speaking with a trusted friend, family member, or bereavement specialist can be helpful.
Tip 2: Set Realistic Expectations for Your Grief During the Holidays
The holiday season is overwhelming as it is – from big gatherings to cooking your favorite foods to gifting and so much more! However, when you are grieving a loved one, these moments can feel even more overwhelming. It might be helpful to check in with yourself and prioritize your mental health over the traditional expectations you may have for the holidays.
This can look a variety of ways:
Scaling back commitments
Prioritizing people and things that feel the most important
Delegating tasks to others
Taking breaks during large gatherings if you need
Incorporating moments of remembrance for your loved one
Skipping events that feel overwhelming
Setting more boundaries for yourself
You know yourself best, so do what feels right to you!
Tip 3: Honor Your Loved One’s Memory
Spending a holiday without your loved one, whether the first or fiftieth, can feel sad. One way to cope with grief during the holidays is by honoring their memory. This can mean incorporating them into holiday traditions like creating a special decoration for them, lighting a candle, or sharing stories about them. No matter what, remembering them can provide comfort and connection.
However, it’s also okay to take a break from traditions that feel too painful.
Tip 4: Seek Support
The holidays are a time for people to come together. This means that, even though you are grieving, there are people around to reach out for support. Friends, family members, grief counselors, or spiritual leaders can all provide a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on.
If you are in Western Massachusetts, we have a great list of community groups to support those who are grieving. Additionally, there are many online groups, like My Grief Angels, who offer virtual support. Check in your area for holiday support groups or memorial services.
Tip 5: Practice Self-Care
No matter when you are grieving, self-care is incredibly important! It allows you to give yourself a break during an emotionally taxing time. One study found that 64% of people who are grieving reported increased stress during the holidays.
Self-care can look different for everyone, so it is important to find what feels good for you! But, if you need a jumping-off point you can…
Prioritize sleep (Did you know that grieving people need more rest?)
Eat nourishing or comforting foods
Take walks or get fresh air
Practice mindfulness activities like breathwork, yoga, or mediation
Do something creative as an outlet
Again, self-care can be anything so do what feels right. If you are struggling to find an activity that works for you, try different things, and don’t give up!
Grieving during the holidays is both deeply personal and extremely challenging. It’s important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to cope, and your feelings are valid. By honoring your emotions, setting boundaries, and seeking support, you can navigate this season with compassion for yourself. Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to take things one moment at a time. You are not alone in your grief and there is strength in finding ways to honor your loved one while caring for yourself.
If you are in the Western Massachusetts area and have a loved one who requires hospice care, Hospice of the Fisher Home provides both in-residence or at-home (or wherever you reside) care through our community program. Contact us to find out more.
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